The order of things

The Order of things - hmmm………… seems to me that a lot of people especially in the Millennial generation have no idea what that means. Usually you date, then get married, then get a house and then have kids. The whole idea behind having kids in a marriage instead of out of wedlcock, has nothing to do with religion. For some people it does, but for me I think it’s just common sense. Raising kids by yourself by choice, does not make sense to me, as I know how much work and emotional investment is attached to having kids. You really do need help! Emotional, financial and physical help. Now all these young mothers are giving birth and expecting the dad to support them, even if they are not involved with the raising of the child, and our hard earned tax payers dollars are supporting all of this.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know accidents happen but in this day and age of multiple choices in birth control, that’s a pretty lame excuse. Sorry buddy, no condom, no sex. Simple. I’m not suggesting that unwed mother’s be shamed and shipped off to a special home for them out of sight of everyone, but young women today need to be more responsible for the kids they are bringing into the world.

What does it take to be a mother really? Patience for one, and dependability. Your kid at one month old doesn’t care about your $1500 stroller, or your custom made blankets and coming home outfit. If you buy into that then you’re making it all about you, and you are looking for validation based on how much money you have spent on the " designer baby”. Then don’t turn around and complain that you have no money for food or gas after you’ve just blown $150 on a private photo session. You can get great memories taken with your wonderful phone that you are glued to, and a good friend willing to take some shots, Done! With technology these days, this is doable without spending all that money when you are supposed to be on a budget.

What does the child really need? They need an emotionally stable parent, a warm home, good food - not packaged stuff - and emotional interaction to stimulate brain development. Get of the damn phone while your kid is crying or getting into the garbage! OMG. But of course they know everything and will endlessly bore you with the latest research on Google, forgetting of course that women have been having babies for centuries, and the advice of older women far supersedes and out-dates Google.

My personal feeling is that the wisdom of the Elders is not being passed down. Women who are the elders in the tribe out rank everyone, I still listen to my mother and I’m 59. I don’t always agree with her, but she is annoyingly right 99% of the time, due to age, experience and wisdom. Young women nowadays think they are your equal - wrong. You are not my equal, you are equal as a person but not when it comes to life experience. Respect is due because no matter what, someone who has lived 4 times longer than you has experience to pass on, because people don’t change, even if the technology is far advanced now, humans still have the same needs they did 4000 years ago.

I have always respected my elders, even if they were not very nice people, I kept my distance in that case. As a teenager, I would not dream of asking my friends for advice, after all what do they know? They are just as young and stupid as me, so that’s not getting me very far. I always asked my parents, mind you I had great parents, so I was blessed. But if you don’t have great parents, borrow someone else’s. So many of my friends came to my parents for advice, because they were easy to talk to and non-judgmental. If your parents are drunk or addicted to drugs, then their advice is not going to be useful. Find a church member, or borrow a parent, so you can get some clarity and a different perspective. You may not use the advice, but at least you will gain a new vision of what is going on, and that in itself is valuable. My father always used to say, “give advice freely, but don’t get upset if people don’t take it”. Very true. I wish more young people would think that way. A lot of emotional distress and anxiety these days comes from the fact that the Order of Things has been turned upside down, and chaos reigns now, and social media does not always help the situation. Young people are too caught up in what people are saying online, when they should be more concerned about a face to face conversation with the people they are close to. This has led to shallow relationships, instead of creating bridges, they are building walls socially, hence the feeling of isolation, desperation and more teens dying of overdoses because they think the drugs will calm the chaos in their heads. The truth is, one afternoon spent with your granny would solve a lot.